We’re nearing the end of the semester, and we’ve talked about a lot of sex. But with only one narrow column a week, a lot of the great things you all tell me about sex haven’t yet made it into print. So (with papers and deadlines looming) here’s a little taste of the outrageous, witty, and thought-provoking quotes I’ve recieved over the last seven weeks.

Threesomes

“The threesome fantasy may seem cliche for males, but it still remains the pinnacle of masculine sexual achievement. This may even outweigh the perceived sexual gratification that would accompany it, at least subconsciously, as the main reason why it’s such a common aspiration. Nonetheless, I would rank it as my primary sexual goal before I graduate from college.”

“Having a threesome while in a relationship should be limited to residents of Hollywood and Utah. It is a last-gasp attempt of a failing couple, trying to provide a spark to their relationship with something that is ultimately centered in lust. If the relationship cannot survive on its own, introducing another penis or vagina is rarely the solution.”

Orgasms

What does it feel like?

“Orgasms are like riding an old rickety, wooden coaster to pleasure town, rocking and shaking up and down the drops, twists and turns the whole way. Finally, you return to the station and get off. The safety bar releases and you try to catch your breath. The best part: no one tells you where you should or shouldn’t put your hands. Inside or outside the vehicle.”

“It’s like the buildup before the drop at a Tiesto show and then release into pure pleasure and craziness.”

“Like a sneeze. Only better.”

What are your thoughts about faking orgasms?

“Sometimes you have to sacrifice personal pleasure to make someone else feel good about themselves. Other times, I’m just tired.”

“Orgasm fakers belong in the same category as liars, snitches, and trial lawyers, but if you can’t tell when a girl is faking you probably have no business in bed with her to begin with.”

“Faking an orgasm is unnecessary. Sometimes I just don’t orgasm, and that’s fine. If I don’t orgasm, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel pleasure during sex.”

What are your feelings about the aspects of your sexual function?

“Often, I wish I could turn off my libido. I’m not ready to be sexually active yet, and it’s more of a hassle than anything else to deal with it.”

“In general, I love to have sex, I enjoy sex, I finish easily, and I want it all the time. Since coming back from being abroad, though, my sex drive has been approximately zero.”

Porn

Is porn degrading to women?

“Define degrading—is cleaning up shit degrading? Janitors clean up shit. Do we make surveys asking about janitor social status? I was a janitor once. It wasn’t like I was working all day to save lives and it sucked the entire time, but I was making skrilla. Pornography is just another job where yah gotta do the dirty to make the purty.”

“Women rarely have agency or freedom of choice in the scenes. Women are rarely given a choice about the sex moves they perform, instead taking direction from the men throughout the scene…the woman is subordinate, a toy, a pleasure machine for the men and not an active participant in the sex.”

How would you feel about your significant other watching porn?

“I think that I would feel that I wasn’t enough for my significant other if they had to resort to porn to get pleasure.”

“They should! My girlfriend [and I have] exchanged porn sites before…I’ve watched porn with partners before as well…if the porn seems problematic (extremely objectifying, underage, etc.) that’s when we need to talk. Until then, watch away.”

Any other comments about porn?

“I watched porn once my freshman year of college with some friends and was highly disturbed.”

“It’s beneficial to me because I like some weird stuff—BDSM that tends to get psychologically messed up when I actually try and perform it in my own sex life. By watching it, I can live out those fantasies without worrying about how it might affect my relationship or my psychological state.”

Describe your sex ed experience.

“I managed to go through all of elementary school, middle school, and high school without once having sex ed. The man and the woman pee together, then the stork comes, right?”

“In eigth grade, we had races to see who could put condoms on a dildo fastest, and we simulated the transmission of STDs by giving each other M&Ms.”

“I vividly remember the nurse dunking a tampon into a glass of water, seeing it expand to maximum size, and having all the girls in the class freak out at the idea of that inside of us. Scarring.”

As an addendum to last week’s column about sex education, I’d like to highly recommend Professor Ralph Bolton’s Human Sexuality class, which is offered in the spring by Pomona’s anthropology department. The class provides a comprehensive education about sex, covering topics like the biology of reproduction, queer sex, fetishes, and communication.