Thumb Wrestling Enthusisast

I know what you’re thinking. You’re looking at this thumb thinking... I could squash that flabby piece of meat. That’s what the Russian team thought before facing Bruno ’01. They learned the hard way. Not only did Bruno beat everyone at the annual Thumb Wrestle-Off held on President Stanley’s front lawn. He broke about 20 thumbs in the process, but everyone stopped counting after the first 12 or so. He then calmly walked over to the John Deere tractor mower sitting in the yard (Stanley’s only means of transportation on campus) and he mowed the entire lawn. "It’s been this fantasy of mine for some time now to mow the presidents lawn," said Bruno. "I just never had the courage to do it. But I didn’t figure anyone would stop me after winning the contest. I mean if they tried... I’d just flash them the thumb. Heh heh!" A little side note, the mower is now permanently stuck in reverse because Bruno’s thumb broke the switch. So be sure next time you see Bruno on campus to congratulate him on his success. Just be sure not to provoke him in any way with your thumb. Not pretty.... Very not pretty. You probably won’t see this boy wonder very often though. He often sits in his room depressed about his thumb size thinking.... why can’t I have a normal thumb like everyone else? Of course without it, Pomona-Pitzer would not have a thumb-wrestling artist ranked no.1 in the world. It does wonders for publicity. The Admissions office wasn’t available to comment on this, but Bruno claims he wasn’t admitted into Pomona because of his stellar SAT performance (800... total), but rather because of his thumb. And what a thumb it is! Here’s to you Bruno! You’ve made me the happiest man on campus... wait a minute...remarkably, you look just like... well... me! What! Oh yeah... you are me! What a great article you just wrote!