Tau Sigma Lambda Steals Rival Frat’s Dictum

Buck Spurtwell

Earlier this week, charges against the Tau Sigma Lambda (TSL) Fraternity became public.

The charges, brought by the Office of Student Affairs, are for violations of both TSL’s Charter and the Student Code. Charter violations include holding initiation activities after spring break and without their faculty advisor present. Student Code violations include violation of the alcohol policy, lewd conduct, and hazing. [con't]

QRC Discovered To Be Political Front For Campus Homosexuals

Boniface Blaise

In a startling discovery only uncovered just last month by The Student Life, the Office of Naughty Affairs has determined that the Queer Resource Center, better knows as The Office Upstairs From the Coop with Nudie Mags, is a political front for several students’ homosexual agenda. [con't]

Gaines Deemed "Too Black" By Faculty for Pomona’s Endeavors

Meryl Haydock & Matt Bender

Sources revealed this week confidential documents pertaining to the denial of tenure of Professor of Psychology Stanley Gaines. Inside, the reason for Gaines’ denial, long debated by Gaines, was revealed. [con't]

Security Briefs

Officers reported numerous calls that strange noises, possibly connected to Satanic practices, were coming from the bowels of Clark V in Social Room 2. [con't]

Senate Boxers

ASPC President Andrew Sheppard ’99 opened the Senate meeting by farting.

After his introductory comments, Commisioner of Residence Halls and Food Brian Andrews ‘01 bitched about why everyone hates him. "Why does everyone think I’m such a fuckin’ tool?" he yelled to the Senate. There was no response from the group. [con't]