The Anti Defamation League staged a protest on Pomona’s Campus last Wednesday to voice opposition against aPomona College Press Announcement advertising a speech by an individual named "Heil Gerard", scheduled for the anniversary of Adolf Hitler’s Birthday. Hordes of militant protesters gathered around Pomona’s Administrative building, Alexander Hall, to voice outrage against the apparent cultural insensitivity. It was later learned that the Press Announcement was the subject of an accidental typographical error, and there was little reason for protest. The speech, actually given by Random Campus Administrator and Jew Neil Gerard, was entitled "And now the Jews are Free?"

The original date was set to correspond with Israel’s Independence Day, one day earlier, but Gerard had moved it expecting too many students to be celebrating 4:20 day. "This is a college, college students like to drink and experiment with drugs. With the new alcohol policy in effect, its a lot easier for students to smoke pot than drink beer. We have to keep things like this in mind," explained Gerard.

"Anti-Semitic Bastard" was scrawled on signs outside of Alexander Hall, Pomona’s Administration Building. They were later replaced with support signs reading "I’m Sorry, Fellow Jew." The demonstration was mostly peaceful except for several fights between members of the ADL and Pomona’s student Worker Support Committee, arguing over demonstration space and who had the most worthwhile cause. Workers Support Committee members eventually backed down, when they realized it was nearing the end of lunch time and still needed to rush to campus dining halls before their next class. "This situation just isn’t optimal," explained one WSC member, "and– I said I didn’t want any fucking mustard on this burger you dumb bitch– anyway, the situation just isn’t optimal and we’re hoping things will soon be fixed– I asked you to toast that bun too–Jesus fucking Christ!"

_________

The Student Alternative Not Funny

By Freider Conorsdorf

I’m sorry. It’s just not. Maybe I should stop.