Everybody knows that sheep look good. You know it, I know it, Stanley knows it, Friedersdorf knows it, Phi Delta knows it, Silk Teddy knows it...in short, everybody knows it. So why are we afraid to talk about it, people?! Why are we afraid to admit what’s only natural?! Sheep are H-O-T, hot!

Every night when I’m drifting off to sleep and counting those sheep I can’t help but feel like I’m going to soil my shorts...in a good way. The fact is, the thought of sheep makes your average guy want to play with his trouser trombone and makes your average girl want to open the meat curtains, if you know what I mean (and oh boy, I think you do).

But alas, people. The hard truth is that having sex with sheep is illegal. As much as you want to make a sheep go "baa baa baa" late into the night, actually doing so would be breaking the law. And breaking the law is bad (baa-ad!).

But don’t worry guys. All is not lost. Although current anti-sheepsex laws probably won’t be disappearing anytime soon, there are a number of things you can do in the meantime.

Have any of you ever heard of inflatable plastic sheep? Wait, before you object outright, just think for a second about the possibilities. A real sheep can be tired or irritable, but an inflatable sheep? Never. Sometimes a real sheep will try to resist, but an inflatable sheep? No way. The fact is, inflatable plastic sheep have their advantages. Now I admit that sometimes the plastic can chafe in a bad way (a baa-ad way!), but if you’re careful and use enough lube, you can work that plastic baby all night no problem!

So where might you get your hands on an inflatable plastic sheep, you ask? Look no further than www.muttonbone.com. The good people at muttonbone, who have made it their singular purpose to make it easy for you to bone some mutton, offer a wonderful selection of synthetic sheep at great prices. Check it out!

Another great alternative to having sex with actual sheep is to look at sheep porn. Admitedly it’s nothing like the real thing, but c’mon, think about it. If it weren’t for sheep porn, would you really have thought to put the sheep in all those creative compromising poses yourself? Hell no! And don’t underestimate the power of fantasy. Sitting alone in your room with candles lit and a couple of open magazines can be absolutely orgasm inspiring!

Anyway, whether you all decide to take my advice or risk getting arrested with your pants down in a barn is not my choice, but I strongly urge you to check out inflatable sheep and sheep porn–they’re great alternatives. Until next time. Ciao.