Arts & Features Editors, Cocksucker

 

"Do you like my hat?"

We lick Tedward Michael Q. Schall a whole lot. We lick him so much, in fact, that we devoted an entire Hotmail account to him. You, too, can let Teddy know how much you wanna fuck him by sending suggestive e-mails to silk_teddy@hotmail.com. We suggest addressing him by terms of endearment such as Tedward, Silkk, Silky Ted, Man O’ Red Teeth, and Lova-Boy. Teddy doesn’t put out so much as at all, but we love him nonetheless. Our all-time best wet dreams have been of the Silkster: Silk playing pinball at the Coop, Silk’s teeth stained red by sweet-ass kosher-for-Passover wine at Halona during the Jewish holiday. When Teddy said that "Red is For Love, Baby," he spoke for the Silk in all of us.

So Teddy will graduate in a matter of weeks, and there is not a dry eye on campus. Really, what is Pomona College without Silken Ted? The man, the mystery, the scandal, the...Legend. We long for his purple headed warrior, his love mound, his throbbing member. We want him to thrust his manhood into our respective orafices. Wet dreams, Teddy.