This ALmost Ran as a Real, Non-Joke Story
By Jimmy "The Face" LaSorda
High Roller

I am appalled at the differences between Pomona College and Las Vegas. After visiting Las Vegas for the first time over Fall Break, I’ve been noticing the many ways Pomona College could improve by doing things the “Vegas way.”

There seems to be some sort of push for students to interact with faculty. There’s even a Student-Faculty Interaction Committee that has an unlimited offshore bank account. In Vegas, when they try to get the gamblers to interact with the many gambling outlets, they provide free drinks. Adopting this same policy would serve Pomona quite well. I’d be a little more willing to interact with professors if I were a little more sloshed in class.

.Sure, the North-South divide is some sort of principle in International Relations that describes the difference between the rich North (us) and the impoverished South (Andrés). Did you know there’s also a North-South divide inside the bubble? Apparently, some people think that 3rd street and 6th street are really far apart. No one really wants to walk the vast distance across the demilitarized zone. This has led to problems such as the snack controversy and people using the campus escort service to go from Mudd-Blaisdell to the Smith Campus Center. In Vegas they entice people into the casinos with moving sidewalks that arc over roadways. I think that a vast network of moving sidewalks would be a welcomed addition to the Pomona landscape. Let’s build bridges between North and South!

Many organizations on this campus, from Senate to the Dean of Students Office, complain that students are apathetic to campus issues and events. This is simply a misunderstanding. People aren’t apathetic to issues; they’re just bored by the process. I went to a Senate meeting today, and I almost fell asleep waiting for issues pertinent to my snack-going life. The solution: Cirque du Soleil during all Senate meetings. I’d show up at every Senate meeting from now until the end of the year, if I knew that the senators would be performing Zumanity while discussing senate business. I may even come to care about the complex differences between plastic and metal laundry bins (oh, wait, that was what last year’s Senate did).

In short, let’s close that three hour gap between Claremont and Vegas, baby.