Snoop Dogg Challenges 'The Ox' in Recall
By Ariana Huffington
Recall Girl

Last Tuesday, Pomona’s Board of Trustees presented a recall petition, seeking to recall and remove David Oxtoby from the office of Pomona College President and to demand consideration of a successor.

“I don’t really know the grounds of the recall; something was mentioned about wishing to maintain the Pomona bubble,” said ASPC President Ari Greenberg. “As always, stuff is happening here at Pomona College.”

In order to determine a successor, the Board of Trustees announced that an election will be held for Pomona College students to vote in their next leader.

“I am completely confident that Pomona students will support me as the ‘old school’ candidate,” said OX, formerly known as President David Oxtoby. “I am just as down and hip as the next guy for shizzle?”

Although Oxtoby may be reinstated as president, the leading candidate to take the position is none other than Snoop Dogg.

“Quite frankly, I’ve been toying with the idea of referring to myself as “DQ money” for quite some time,” said Dean of Students Ann Quinley. “I personally do not feel it would be a major adjustment. I already own the solicited dope, I mean, bomb-ass footwear.

Dogg’s impressive administrative background includes coaching his son’s Pop Warner football league to victory and general success in the record business.

“Izzle kizzle, fo’ shizzle my nizzle, what you sizzle? Fo’ shizzle bizzle,” said Mr. Dogg.

Snoop Dogg is running on the platform of the three B’s: beers, blunts, and babes. He also outlined changes he would make on campus, including a statue of himself in the quad, gin and juice service at snack and a new inauguration party.

“Shizzle, we’s gonna have a dope party. Bring all dem hustlas out to see me crowned pimp in these parts,” said Snoop. “There’s a new dog in town. And fo shizzle I’s bringin’ 50 and Dre to come and bump some g-shit.”

Mr. Dogg also mentioned that, if elected, he would like to be referred to as President Pimp Doggy-Dogg and mentioned that he would want to make changes to the organic farm.

“We don’t need no worthless weeds growin’,” said Mr. Dogg. “I’ll make sure only the finest, stickiest weed will be seen.”

When asked about the recent fires in the surrounding area, Snoop seemed unphased.

“Hazin’ and blazin’,” said Mr. Dogg.

Students seemed pleased with the prospects.

“I think it’s great that Snoop is running for president here; we need some real leadership,” said Eric Varshinko ’07. “Snoop is a good role model, and I look up to him.”

Just let dem pimps, playas, and hustlas come to Pomona College.