Ari Greenberg: Nighclub & Bar Magazine's Man of the year.

El President Loves Beer
By SLICK Dick
Deep Throater

Associated Students of Pomona College president Ari Greenberg ’04 is set to be named the 2003 Nightclub and Bar Magazine “Man of the Year” as was revealed by an anonymous source earlier this week. The December issue of Nightclub and Bar Magazine stated that president Greenberg was awarded this honor based on his “heroic efforts in trying to establish an on-campus pub at Pomona College.”

Greenberg’s quest to establish an on-campus pub began in the spring of 2003 and has lead him to places as far away as Claremont City Hall and the second floor of the Smith Campus Center. ASPC advisor Neil Gerard said,’“oftentimes I am leaving my office at one or two o’clock in the morning, and Ari will still be in his office, pouring over blueprints, keg pricelists, city regulations, and other documents related to the pub.”

Soviets Took Over Prague Some Time Ago
By SLVCHSTNDVRYN DWV
Very Important Czech Historian

Apparently, there was this whole different system of government in the Czech Republic for almost half a century. In 1945 a big war between Germany and every other country ended, and the United States of America (bless her heart) liberated a bunch of Czechoslovakia but stopped short of freeing Prague because it, the USA, was afraid of pissing off Stalin (and who wouldn’t be, really, I mean if anyone ever woke up on the wrong side of the bed, it was that guy). The American general, Patton, was ordered to stand down. “Stand down,” said the USA through a bullhorn. “Stand down, General Patton.” He started to march resolutely toward Prague, determined not to let the Soviets terrorize all of Eastern Europe for 40 years.

“I’ll be damned if I’m going to let the Soviets terrorize all of Eastern Europe for 40 yea—” Patton said, whereupon the USA shot him in the head and kicked him out of the army in a posthumous court-martial.

Croft: Must-See
By Iam Sam I am
Staff Writer

I was very pleased to see last week that The Collage had undertaken a bold and daring move: they published a positive review of a movie that will be an excellent one but would not be liked by many college students because they think that they are too sophisticated. That movie is Timeline, which the review calls “an adventure filled with romance, action, and suspense.” If that is what you are looking for in a movie (and who is not?) then there are many other great movies that get overlooked by college newspapers because they are not “clever” enough, or because they are “tiresome,” “cynical,” “predictable,” or “mediocre.”

That Murderous Face and That Killer Smile
By Tim or thy And, ER, egg
A&F’s Ass

The illustrious history of popular music has included a plethora of pop star duos: Sonny and Cher, Christina and Justin, Jay-Z and J. Lo, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, and of course Milli Vanilli. No duo, however, has had the controversy and broad appeal that has been generated since the announcement of a new joint effort between pop star/role model Britney Spears and heavy metal rocker/Anti-Christ Marilyn Manson.

Brokaw's Music News
By Tom Brokaw
Kate's Dear Son

A new conteAny piece of submitted art must include an illustration or photograph of Gwyneth Paltrow, the much-publicized current girlfriend of lead singer Chris Martin. “Enough of free trade and politics and the color yellow, I say. This album is all Gwynnie. I may not have an Academy Award and a string of attractive ex-boyfriends, but I sure as hell can put her on an album cover!” proclaimed Martin in a strangely self-indulgent, arguably insecure website posting.

Smiley 180: Decade Update
By Phoebe Bebe
Junkie

Put away your legwarmers, crimper, and purple eye-makeup. It’s time to find those old middle school clothes. The truth has leaked from the CCLA slam-books: the Smiley decade-themed dance will be Smiley Early 90s, not Smiley 80s.

Forget the Bangles. This year’s cover band will rock out to good old Seattle grunge. The band is called Shrub, who plays—yes—the classic tunes of the likes of Bush (the inspiration for their name), Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Stone Temple Pilots. At the concert and party, expect plenty of Eddie Vedder (pre-boring Ticketmaster lawsuit and definitely pre-chopped hair) and Dave Pirner (maybe with a Reality Bites-era Winona Ryder on his arm) look-alikes. We can still expect Madonnas and Michael Jacksons, as long as they are era-appropriate.

Pomona's Kinky Past
By Eddie Dick
Staff Writer

Nestled in the Claremont Village, Full of Life is a baking establishment that preaches the basics when it comes to food. And when I say preach, I mean it in the Bible-thumping, evangelical kind of way. Everything at Full of Life is touted as organic this or healthy that. This type of pandering to the health-conscious crowd usually turns off a dude like me, but in Full of Life’s case I am willing to make an exception, because the food is seriously tasty.

Wheee!

$5 Review