Where's the Party?
By David Lydon
Staff Writer

The student strike has got me thinking. According to a message recently posted on the Digester, "forgoing for a single day the opportunities we have here at Pomona [allows us to] recognize the more permanent and scarring disruptions that a war will have on our campus." When examined through this lens, one of the great mysteries of the year becomes perfectly clear: in order to help highlight the horrors of war, the Committee for Campus Life and Activities has spent the last year on strike. They just forgot to tell anyone about it.

I realize that I may be jumping to conclusions here. I've done absolutely no research for this article, so it's entirely possible that CCLA is not on strike and has simply been kidnapped by ninjas. But whatever your theory of choice is regarding the CCLA's activity, there's no getting around the fact that most of their recent parties have been, for want of a better term, lame.

It wasn't always like this. I remember things being much better Freshman year, and partygoers of vastly different preferred levels of sobriety agree that the dull and endless stream of hip hop, and the fact that no one ever seems to be dancing, combine to create a powerful (and dangerous!) vacuum of suck. As Alicia Godlove'05 put it: "When you can't even enjoy CCLA parties when heavily inebriated, it's a sign that something's wrong."

In all fairness, this problem isn't confined to Pomona's campus. We must give credit where credit is due, and almost no credit is due to the "Best Party of the Year" that took place a few weeks ago at Harvey Mudd. According to the party's Flash-powered web site (yes, they had a Flash-powered web site) we were supposed to "party like it's your birthday, yo." See, I've had birthday parties before, and in the vast majority of them I've been allowed back in after stepping out to use the restroom. But this was not the case at HMC. My friends and I showed up, had fun for a while, and then went off for like 10 minutes to go find restrooms. By the time we returned, there was a line stretching across the quad waiting to be allowed in. Important message to HMC: I understand that coordinating the DJ and the alcohol and the security and the web site and the big spotlight truck can be confusing, but in the future, if you wish to throw the "best party of the year," make sure that you have enough space for the people who come. As it is, you guys were beaten out by most of the CCLA parties in this category which, thanks to their "strategic lameness" policy, very rarely have to turn people away at the doors.

Actually, as I think more about this problem, I realize that I'm probably looking at it the wrong way. After all, much like Tinkerbell, CCLA needs our love to live and prosper. They could throw the best parties in the world, and it wouldn't matter unless we actually bothered to show up to them. And once we show up, we would really need to do more than stand around not dancing and feeling superior. Case in point is last weekend's "Preppy" party. My friends and I really really wanted this party to work out, but when no one else is dancing it feels really dumb to do so. So next time you're there, dance, stupid! It's the whole point. We show up 1 hour before the party ends, and we don't do anything. Let's face it: we sort of suck. It's a wonder more of the DJ's we bring in don't slit their own wrists out of despair.

Still, we have a chance to break this cycle. Smiley 80's is coming up, and I think it's pretty safe to say that Smiley 80's won't play the same hip hop track over and over. I'm anticipating a good party, and you really ought to come. I understand we're in Southern California, and it's super-fashionable to be late, but that's just taking it to extremes.
So with this thought in mind, I invite you to take the "Smiley 80's Challenge," which calls on you to show up within an hour of when Smiley 80's begins. The timid need not apply! If we band together and fulfill our part of the bargain, perhaps we can make this year's Smiley 80's as great as any a night that includes Corey Haim can possibly be.

That is, assuming that CCLA doesn't cancel Smiley 80s in an attempt to bring the Bush administration to its knees. But I'm optimistic: Reports indicate that CCLA Special Ops is currently assembling a paramilitary laser commando team. Although this does not bode well for the Government, it does bode well for Smiley 80's, since it probably means that CCLA has given up on its whole wussy "civil disobedience" strike thing and has decided to solve their problems the good old-fashioned American Way: with violence. Violence and damn good parties.