On Sunday, Pomona College was fortunate enough to host one of the most intense, action-packed sports competitions of the year. The day's festivities drew an estimate of 160,000 eager spectators, some of whom braved the harsh southern Californian night and camped out on Marston Quad to secure their seats for the event. Television crews from all the major networks were also present for the yearly game. That's right-Quiz Bowl has returned. A hallowed tradition at Pomona, Quiz Bowl's profile rose rapidly during the 1950's to become the sport of fierce and brutal devotion that rabid fans, who call themselves "buzzheads," know so well today.
Competitors were all provided with round-the-clock security by the college after last week's vicious attack on Adam Freed '06, starter for The Katie Moradi Fan Club, Part II. Freed was walking back to his room following dinner one night when an unknown assailant leapt from some nearby shrubbery and assaulted him.
"I didn't get a good look at him because he was wearing a ski mask, but there's no question about motive here," says Freed. "Whoever it was hit me in the hand with a steel pipe. I'm just lucky the finger I use to buzz in wasn't injured." In a game where milliseconds are critical, foul play of this type is, sadly, not uncommon. "I don't want to point any of my undamaged fingers here," added Freed, "but Gabriel [Klapman '06 of The Combat Wombats] has been skulking around and looking kind of shifty."
The Combat Wombats were moved into a surprisingly easy bracket, but Dean Gary Kates, the event's moderator, insists that the team's fortunate positioning was "entirely random."
Adding to security concerns during the meet was this year's decision to condense the entire tournament into a single afternoon. "With that much emotion packed into a few brief hours, anything can happen," said Sgt. Tom Manero of the Claremont Police Department. "A lot of testosterone gets flowing when questions are contested. All I'm saying is that, in the past, kids have been known to lose their heads and do things that everyone regrets."
The tournament began peacefully enough. The members of the Harwigs took their positions and readied their buzzing fingers. Though team captain Kaneisha Grayson '06 appeared to be composed as she slowly sipped mineral water, one can only imagine the tide of both raw emotion and random factoids silently being mustered behind her eyes. Said Grayson, "The Harwigs came out here to win. We've spent too many hours together memorizing the digits of Pi and reviewing US presidents to be stopped now. Anyone who dares to get in our way will be annihilated with the utmost prejudice."
Tempers flared as quiz bowlers began contesting points based on subtle shades of nuance. Of particular controversy was sophomore Jennifer Hardee's assertion that French President Jacques Chirac "would roll over and die if he heard his name pronounced as the debased and Anglicanized 'Jack'. I don't think that response should be counted."
A member of the offending team, The Smells, retorted with the quip "Bite me, Hardee. Your French accent sounds as bad as [President] Bush's." Needless to say, had security not intervened, the competitors would have come to blows.
Unfortunately, the tournament was ended prematurely when Sgt. Manero ordered the moderator to stop reading toss-ups, in what he described as "a vain attempt to quell the massive rioting which would surely follow a victory by The Smack Down."
Chris Dempsey '05 offered advice to this year's competitors. "I know exactly how they feel right now," said Dempsey, "they're drunk on their own sense of power and fame, but they have to remember that modesty is a virtue. Sure, women will throw themselves at you if you can name the charismatic Athenian tyrant who succumbed to plague in 429 B.C.-Pericles-but that's not what Quiz Bowl should be about. Too many Quiz Bowlers today are focused on their next product endorsement or photo shoot. The best players are the ones who compete just because they love the game, not because they want to show the world that they can prove Fermat's theorem under pressure."
