ALCOHOL: a very special point-counterpoint

Dean Kates: "Let's try to avoid poisoning ourselves, shall we?"

Alcohol poisoning has become a serious problem at colleges and universities across the nation, including Pomona College. Binge drinking by college students has led to serious injury and even death in countless cases. This is a terrible thing that must be dealt with immediately.

Alcohol poisoning is a direct result of students who are unaccustomed to the freedom that college brings not understanding the responsibilities that come with that freedom. There is nothing necessarily wrong with drinking, but when it gets out of control, as it does so often in our community, it can have disastrous and tragic consequences. Obviously drinking has been a part of college life for many years, but in the past five years the problem has become dramatically worse. The solutions to this epidemic are not clear, but it is clear that something must be done.

One possibility is to extend substance free opening, perhaps to a full month. This might allow freshmen to become more accustomed to the newfound freedoms and responsibilities of college life before they begin drinking. Another possibility is to give campus security greater powers to enter rooms where they think there might be alcohol, in order to prevent students from drinking in their rooms, where alcohol poisoning is much more likely to occur. It is true that these changes would affect the atmosphere at Pomona College, but with an issue as serious as this drastic measures might be necessary. Alcohol poisoning is no laughing matter.

Johnny Knox '05: "Three cheers for poisoning ourselves, man."

Dude, with all this talk about preventing alcohol poisoning, I've just got one thing to say: I fucking love that shit! It's like the spice of life man. I mean, I was at Pomona Valley Hospital last weekend getting my stomach pumped and I was thinking, wow man, this is amazing, I wish I could do this more often. Not that I don't do it as much as possible. All the guys in the emergency room know me now. They call me Pukey. Man I love those guys. At Harwood Halloween they had to call the ambulance for me not once, but twice. When they were putting me on the stretcher the second time I saw through my blurred vision that it was the same paramedics, and I was like "Whoa, dude, this is like déjà vu." Man, did we have a good laugh.

Before I got to Pomona I'd never even heard of alcohol poisoning. I was like totally unaware. I took sub-free opening very seriously. I mean, drinking too much in the first weeks of school can cause serious problems for some people who don't know their limits. I just got a senior to get me a handle of generic vodka, and I put it in my closet and patiently counted the days until I could drink. Man that was like forever. Then the great day came, I woke up at nine in the morning and downed that thing in less than ten minutes. The R.A. told me that when she found me passed out in a puddle of vomit there was a big smile on my face. I of course can't remember anything, but I always get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside when I look back to that first blank spot in my memory.

Lately I've been branching out and trying new things. Like in September I took some valium and then drank a quart of rum, and next thing I knew it was a week later. It was amazing. And I've found that when I get drunk taking a bunch of Tylenol makes for a really interesting experience. People keep telling me that if I keep it up I'm could destroy my liver before I turn twenty. It won't be easy, but I think they're right, I can do it. I mean, wouldn't getting a new liver be cool? It'd be like making a new friend. Yeah, so don't be so negative about alcohol poisoning. It can be really fun if you just give it half a chance.