Pete: Pee is more sterile than spit!
M: Really?
Pete: Yes. If you have a choice between licking your hands or peeing on them, it's better to pee on them. Well, not really. It's still not good to pee on things, but it's really, really not good to lick things.
Like floors for example. But that's because the floors are dirty, not because your spit is dirty. Like people's faces. You don't want to lick people's faces because they'll get dirty.
But back to peeing. Maybe only in an emergency should you be peeing on your hands. So if you really need sterile hands, and your only two choices are to lick them or to pee on them, now you'll know the answer.
Oh! Something else about pee is that it contains fixed nitrogen. Fixed nitrogen is really rare and plants need it to live. So your pee helps plants grow.
You should pee everywhere, except for in toilets. Unless you're inside, in which case you should pee in toilets, or in potted plants.
M: Lately I've been thinking about a different problem.
Pete: Oh yes?
M: Yes. That problem is the fear of failure. I have pondered this fear for many lonely hours and have reached a fascinating conclusion:
If you are afraid of failure, then you have only one recourse. You must get away from society, and opportunity, and all the possible failures that those entail.
You need to be alone in a closet, cave, or shack in the woods. Hole up in a safe place, and stay there for the rest of your life. Only by taking these steps will you successfully overcome your fear of failure!
Pete: Maybe so.
