Well, the only other option besides alcohol or cheap porn that can induce such repugnant feelings of failure is trying to get laid. I mean Lei’d. No, I don’t. I mean laid.

But given the proximity of CCLA’s popular Lei Party to my room, I figured I was set up perfectly for becoming acquainted with both homophones in one night. Yet, as is routine these days, I again went to bed with a limited vocabulary.As a member of CCLA, I have yet to experience the earthly pleasures that I believed would come along with such a position of authority. However, on this particular Saturday I at least would receive an all-expenses-paid trip to Pomona’s ultimate resort experience: the Halona Cabin in rustic Idyllwild, CA.

As I was struggling to turn the corner on the hangover and pack for the retreat, I realized the sordid irony of the situation. The retreat would no doubt consist of large pieces of butcher paper and brightly colored markers on which we would brainstorm ways for me, and others like me, to experience this odious drunken feeling each and every weekend. Billed as both bucolic and idyllic, I found the reality of Halona Cabin to be lacking in both regards.
Like the myth that dividing the number of faculty by the number of students creates a student-faculty ratio of nine to one, leading starry-eyed prospective students to imagine the academic setting to be a scholarly orgy, the myth of Halona rests on similarly misleading assumptions.

True, Halona is bucolic in the sense that there are pine trees and that every storefront is fitted with a cheap cabin-like facade and bearing the name Mountain Liquor or Backwoods Barbershop. And it is idyllic–if you are one of the many Palm Springs retirees that frequent the town, you might consider this to be “majestic nature” as described by John Muir.

But for me it was Southern California once again pulling weakly tinted blinds over our eyes and calling it the archetype of perfection.

The cabin might be considered the ultimate party house, blank walls, many private nooks and minimal furniture consisting mainly of several ratty mattresses, best used as a landing pad when jumping down from the second floor loft.

However, like all the organizations that use the cabin for various bridge-building retreats, maturity dominates and reasonable compromises are arrived upon. In addition, Pomona supplies a plethora of popular board games to keep the kids occupied.

Much of the retreat was centered around a discussion regarding the many ways that socially promiscuous environments can induce sexual fervor on campus. Despite attempts at innovation and less lascivious themes, the answer was always simple: get them drunk. Of course, this is an overly sarcastic and generalized interpretation of what we want to do with our weekends. Most people don’t realize that CCLA also sponsors everything from cultural events, such as museum trips and open mic nights, to substance free events such as public movie screenings, activity-oriented parties and hired entertainers.

Yes, students get the carnal stereotype of undersexed adolescents so repressed that the prominent snout and dorsal fin of the dolphin begin to resemble the angular and voluptuous curves of a thirty-something Kim Basinger. But CCLA suffers from being written off too quickly as social event pimps who would rather spend money on another keg of Icehouse than on an event that doesn’t necessarily lead to public drunkenness and a garbage dump of plastic cups.

CCLA recognizes the need for the release of pent up youthful energy — often called hormones — that build up in the academically rigorous environment of Pomona, and we, in my humble opinion, provide more than enough sanctioned opportunities for such activities. But what sets Pomona students apart from students at UC Santa Barbara is a fervor for intellectual satisfaction as well.
In the end, what I really learned from our Halona retreat is that even though CCLA is known for its consistent debauchery, it is still a part of the Pomona system of turning out well-rounded individuals that are able to maintain a steady balance between sophistication, class and intellectual curiosity on the one hand with sex, drugs, and rock and roll on the other.