SMOKING KILLS, PAYS FOR ELECTRICANS.

11/28 4:39 pm

Lyon dorm alarm went off. Students who were smoking set off the alarm. Electrician was called in to reset the detector.

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BRING A BIKE HERE?

11/28 9:58 pm

Student reported his SR semi-pro 12-speed tan racing bike was taken from the bike rack at Frank dining hall. Bike was locked with a kryptonite cable lock. Officer responded and took a report.

PUSHED... BY SLAVES!

11/29 5:19 pm

Officer found a golf cart, possibly belonging to an academic building parked at the intersection of Sixth and College Avenue. The cart could not be driven and was pushed to a safe location.

AND THAT RA WAS A LITTLE GUY NAMED RODNEY DANGERFIELD...

12/1 1:29 am

Report of a party in Clark I with approximately 50 students. RA was notified and will handle the situation.

AREA CHECK REVEALS 5 COLLEGES, VILLAGE, SPRAWL, ABANDONED MINE PIT, BUSY ROADS, LITTLE ELSE.

12/1 1:39 am

Student reported that, while walking near Sixth Street and College Way, two males who tried to "jack him for money." One subject was possibly carrying a club or other weapon. Campus Safety and Claremont Police Department officers responded for an area check, met with witness. Spoke with student who advised they did not take the matter too seriously.

THEY SAID THEY’D COMPLY. THEN THEY DIDN’T COMPLY!

12/1 2:56 am

Student reports loud noise in Clark I. Officer responds to loud voices only, no music. Seven Pomona students inside room were asked to keep their voices down. Students said they would comply.

"CAMPUS POLICY INOLVES FELLATIO, BOYS."

12/1 12:15 pm

Officer made contact with four juveniles who were skateboarding at the Smith Campus Center. Juveniles were advised of campus policy and left the area.

OLIVE? KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON IT.

12/1 12:25 pm

Officer found an olive green backpack at the Greek Theatre with a blanket inside. Backpack brought to Campus Safety for safekeeping.

THE "SYSTEM" IS ANNE BADGES (IN SO MANY WAYS).

12/1 6:42 pm

Officers and RA’s responded to a fire alarm system in Oldenborg. They found two disconnected smoke detectors on the third floor. There was no sign of smoke or fire. The fire alarm system was repaired.

INCIDENTALLY, THAT’S HOW PERRY OPENED UP JAPAN.

12/1 7:35 pm

Student heard a knock on her door, when she responded she found a garbage can full of water leaning against the door. She caught the can of water before it fell over. Received anonymous annoying phone call from an unknown caller, report was written.

FIRE AND WATER ARE ENEMIES, SILLY.

12/1 8:43 pm

Witness called and reported three subjects wearing hooded sweatshirts set fire to the Frary fountain. Subjects seen running south through Sophomore Arch. Officer arrived and found a small flame in the water. Subjects possibly threw toilet paper soaked with gasoline or some other flammable substance in the fountain. There was a strong odor of gasoline in the area. Maintenance advised for cleanup.

FIRE SAFETY AND "SAFEKEEPING" ARE ENEMIES TOO.

12/2 1:04 am

A student in Walker reports that someone expelled a fire extinguisher in the eastern-most restroom on the first floor. Maintenance is notified and the extinguisher is stored for safekeeping.

"THERE’S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!" -SLAVES.

12/2 1:07 am

An officer discovered an abandoned cart with no key at Bonita and Dartmouth. Cart was pushed to a safe location.

OH PIZZA GUY! WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN?

12/2 2:15 am

A stolen vehicle is recovered in the Kenyon House parking lot. Pizza delivery person on another campus had reported his car stolen, with the keys in the ignition. A male and a female were seen entering and driving off in the vehicle.

"CROUCHING" HAS NO PLACE IN THE NEW AMERICA.

12/2 9:49 am

Officer checks one male, approximately 21-22 years old, crouching in the bushes outside Frank dining hall. Officer lost male subject when he ran near the old physical plant compound.

ARE WE STILL AT WAR WITH TERRORISM? SERIOUSLY.

12/2 10:09 am

An officer checks two males in the northwest corner of Walker. Two off-campus navy personnel lost their host. Pomona student advised and they were reconnected with their host.