Masturbation. If you didn’t know any better, you’d guess that this word referred to the digestive system of small reptiles or the chemical treatment of steel. It’s just an ugly word. Which is probably why no one ever really uses it; it would be like saying "I had vaginal intercourse last night and achieved orgasm," instead of saying, "I got laid last night, and it was damn good." It’s just not done.

Even if the word itself is not so appealing, its subject is obviously not without interest. For example, guys talk about masturbation. A lot. One male friend of mine in high school would describe his daily after school ritual in excrutiating, painful detail: go home, nap, masturbate, watch Sailor Moon (while of course masturbating), do homework, take a masturbation break, eat dinner, finish homework, masturbate…. I’ll spare you the rest of the details. Guys come up with goofy pet names for their self-pleasuring: "spanking the monkey," "choking the anaconda," "cleaning the pipes," "flogging the dolphin." Entire movie plots even revolve around guys whacking off; even if you didn’t see the movie, everyone remembers the infamous apple pie scene in American Pie.

So why don’t you ever hear about a chick masturbating? Is it because women just never get the urge to explore down under? Or do women just like to keep quiet about their under-the-sheets activities?

It is because of these questions that Audrey Hill ’02 and Mary Farnsworth ’03 have organized events for masturbation this week, which were aimed particularly for women. Hill said that in her experiences with women friends, while some women are open about masturbating, even enthusiastically so, it is still very hard for some women to think or to talk about masturbation. She also added that, "in the media, it’s a lot more acceptable and expected for men to masturbate." Hence the prevalence of movie scenes featuring guys masturbating, from Ben Stiller whacking off in the bathroom in There’s Something About Mary to Kevin Spacey in the shower in American Beauty. By contrast, for women, masturbation is still an "under the table issue." And while the sexual liberation movement started well over 40 years ago, Hill also said that, "In general, there is still that stereotype that women don’t want or need sex…the residue of that still effects women today." So in other words, while mothers may no longer advise their daughters to ‘Lie back and think of England,’ many women still have difficulty in acknowledging or expressing sexual desire. Farnsworth said, "The reason why we’re doing this is because we feel like there is a lot of silence around female masturbation…a lot of women are uncomfortable talking about it, or don’t even know how to." Hill also agreed that some women lack even technical knowledge of masturbation, "Some women don’t know how to. They tried once or twice and it wasn’t enjoyable for them."

On Tuesday, in the Women’s Union, the two women organized a discussion around general topics of female masturbation in order to respond to these types of questions. "We planned a lot of events on learning how to masturbate, not just talking about it," said Farnsworth. "It’s not just about the social stigma." Although this was the only co-ed event of the week, only a few male students showed up. In the case of Connor Flynn ’05 and Reed Dorsey-Palamateer ’05, both of them dared each other to go. Unfortunately, at least according to Flynn, neither of them could offer any nuggets of wisdom gained from the experience. "My perspective is that I’m a stupid confused guy," Flynn said.

Carla from the HEO was there to open the discussion. She talked about technique, anatomy, common questions and the health benefits of masturbation. One handout which was passed around listed the health benefits of masturbation, such as "[you don’t have to get] involved with a jerk just because you are desperate." My personal favorite reason was number 17, "It’s free!" In addition to this handy sheet, a vibrater (heavily sanitized, as we were assured) and a rubber vagina ( I dubbed it "the plastic pussy") were also passed around. Surprisingly, the vibrator has a strange history behind it. Farnsworth said in the discussion, "Vibrators were first employed by doctors to treat hysteria in female patients…which is really telling of the clinical misunderstanding of female sexuality." On a rather sizeable drawing of the vagina, several rubbing techniques were demonstrated: circles, side to side….I’m sure your imagination can fill in the rest. We were also told to be equally imaginative in coming up with ways to masturbate, using anything from couches to water jets to hammer handles to peeled cucumbers. Personally, I feel that whatever belongs in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen, but hey, it’s whatever that gets you off, right?

Tiffany Jacobs-Quinn ’03 said of the workshop, "It was a nice affirmation. The setting was informal, but professional." Angelica DeWitt ’05 said, "It was a good experience and it made everyone feel more comfortable about it." But apparently, there are already some who are more than comfortable with masturbation. In the words of one anonymous female, "Unfortunately, I had to to miss it because I was too busy masturbating."

On Wednesday, the National Organization of Women’s chapter at Scripps held its own masturbation workshop. This is the third year that Scripps has held such a workshop. This year, it was organized by Cara Stigler ’03 of Scripps. This one, while it touched upon the silence surrounding female masturbation, featured some more in-depth demonstration. No, there was no live masturbation, and no, there was no group sex. But, as was shown, there’s more to life than just the clitoris. For example, instructions were given on how to reach the mysterious, and always elusive G-spot. I wouldn’t consider myself a good journalist if didn’t pass this important piece of information on; basically just reach up there, crook your finger and its right up underneath the pelvic bone. Lube was also heavily encouraged; apparently Liquid Silk is the best brand out there, and anything with sugar is a sure-fire way to get a yeast infection. And yes, they do make vegan lube. ‘Losing your masturbation virginity stories" were also shared; some precocious girls had discovered that, by climbing up a pole, well, let’s just say that it felt really good. However, the high point of the evening (well, for me at least) was the toys. If you thought toys were for just for kids, well, you thought wrong. Vibrators seemed tame by comparison with the assortment of dildos, butt plugs, anal beads, ben-wa balls… All in all, it was definitely an education. But Natalia Averett ’04, summed it up best; "Basically, the moral of the story–love your vagina."