WAS THE BURGLAR JUST LOOKING FOR PANTIES? PROBABLY.

10/22 3:40 pm

An officer responds to a car burglary in Walker lot. The owner reports several items missing from the car, including a purse and a stereo valued at $1150.

IRONY IS DEAD AND ONLY CART RIDING REMAINS.

10/24 11:00 pm

An officer responds to a report of six to seven students riding a cart from Frary Fountain towards South Campus. The cart is recovered next to Frank and is returned.

PEACE IS AN APHRODISIAC.

10/25 5:30 pm

A staff member reports approximately a dozen students with anti-war placards passing Sixth Street and College Avenue. The demonstration is peaceful.

HOW POMONA WOULD LOOK IN A DAVID LYNCH MOVIE.

10/26 4:22 am

A student in Norton Clark reports a loud, painful scream, possibly coming from Lawry. The student says it sounds like "someone’s last dying breath." Campus Safety and an RA respond and are unable to locate the source of the screaming.

MORE LIKE UN-LOCKER.

10/26 3:14 pm

A wallet is reported stolen from an unlocked locker in Rains Center. The wallet contained an ATM card and a driver’s license.

WERE THE JUVENILES JUST LOOKING FOR PANTIES? PROBABLY.

10/26 8:49 pm

An officer responds to a report of juveniles shouting obscenities and derogatory remarks at female students. An officer stops one of the juveniles who is attempting to flee when his bike tire flattens. He is identified as a high school student. The juvenile’s father is called, and he is taken home.

THE FRAME IS REALLY THE LEAST IMPORTANT PART.

10/27 1:20 am

An officer responds to a report of a mountain bike with its seat and front and rear tires missing. The frame was locked with a cable lock. No theft report was filed.

WHERE’S A TAZER WHEN YOU NEED ONE?

10/27 1:58 am

An officer is approached by a student who reported an unknown male entering dorms and looking into rooms. When the student followed him, he ran east on Fourth Street toward College Way. An officer locates the subject at Sixth and Amherst riding a silver bike. He is chased, but escapes.

MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE WORKED IF YOU DIDN’T BREAK IT, JACKASS.

10/27 4:40 am

A student reports an unknown male breaking the pay phone outside of Walton Commons. An officer arrives, and identifies the suspect as a Pomona student. Both the GTE pay phone and the campus phone are damaged. The student is intoxicated and upset that the phone was not working as he was locked out of his room.

ENNUI SETS IN ON SLEEPY CLAREMONT.

10/27 12:25 pm

Staff reports a cart missing from Admissions. The cart is recovered and returned.

CLASS CONSCIOUSNESS BASTARDIZED,

LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE AT POMONA.

10/27 9:58 pm

An officer and an RA identify and warn a student who was throwing things at officers from a balcony in Lyon during Harwood Halloween.

BUT LYON IS MADE OF CONCRETE, SILLY.

10/28 1:04 am

An RA reports a missing fire extinguisher from the first floor of Lyon.

ALCOHOL SOMETIMES MAKES YOU INVISIBLE.

10/28 1:47 am

Intoxicated students in a cart yelling and screaming are reported in the archway entrance to Norton Clark. Campus Safety is unable to locate them.

NOTHING IS FOUND.

10/28 3:10 am

Officers respond to a report of students throwing things in the courtyard of Harwood. Nothing is found.

HE WAS AN AMERICAN STUDIES MAJOR.

10/29 12:09 am

Student reports that he was solicited for money by an unknown male driving a van outside Wig. The man claimed to be an ex-Pomona student. Officers arrive and identify the suspect who has no record. He is advised to leave campus and complies.

TO HIM, WE WERE PROBABLY ALL BEHAVING BIZARRELY.

10/29 8:46 am

Officers respond to a student behaving bizarrely and using weird religious references. Deans are notified and respond. The student was undergoing counseling and is transported to a psychiatric facility.