Here at Pomona College I have discovered many things that have violated my innocence. Alcohol, girls, 8 a.m. language classes, and finally French porn.

I am not exactly a porn connoisseur. Until recently I never really watched a real porn movie all the way through. I don’t think anyone really does. When I was in 5th grade my best friend introduced me to the world of computer porn and once in a while as a young adolescent I would watch an HBO or Skinemax special. Either people watch porn for private pleasure or as a joke. By the time I was 16, I was pretty much desensitized to porn, it really didn’t do anything for me anymore. However I don’t think this is the case for most people, because the porn industry is doing pretty well.

Last week I decided to sit down, invite some friends over and just watch a full-length porn. So this week, my dear friends, you are in for a real treat: the French porn Pyramid, starring penthouse pet of the month Tania Russof.

Now, I’m not sure whether Pyramid is really French porn. The film has mostly French actors and most of the dialogue is in French, but they’re all in Egypt. And to further complicate matters there are no subtitles but an English narrator who frames the story and furthers the plot. But the English narrator has a French accent. I’m confused writing about it, so I imagine that this is a new step for porn. International porn where language, location, ethnicity and logic really are not pertinent.

As I first sat down to watch Pyramid on my computer, I wasn’t sure what to expect. The title credits informed me that this porn was like no other. Featuring ten well-endowed studs, and 40 young starlets this movie–shot on location in Egypt–was a sight to behold. Ten men and 40 women. Could this be true? To be honest, I started to doubt the validity of Pyramid’s claims.

Perhaps the plot would redeem it. Unfortunately, much like everything else associated with this movie, the plot was confounding: two sexy French archeologists (one male and one female) are in Egypt to find a treasure map. They find the map under a rock in an old ruin. An Egyptian fisherman–who looks surprisingly French and speaks French–is sitting on a dock and an American girl wants to see his boat. He shows her the boat. (With sexy results.)

The two sexy French archeologists find the Egyptian fisherman and ask him if he will take them to Cairo. He agrees and takes them to his house first. His wife (who he just cheated on) has prepared an alligator dinner–as in there is a huge dead alligator on the table. They eat the alligator and proceed to have sex. After having sex the fisherman and male archeologist proceed to give each other a high five.

The archeologists proceed to the temple in Cairo, destroy a wall that is blocking the treasure and find the goddess of pleasure in a mummy casket. She awakes from a 4,000 year old sleep. From this point on everything gets pretty confusing. The two archeologists tell a government minister of the treasure they have found and the minister promises to reward them. The narrator foreshadows, telling the viewer in a thick French accent "this minister is an asshole". When the male archeologist leaves to go shopping for his ladies (and has sex with a shop worker) the female archeologist and goddess of pleasure are arrested by the minister.

The male archeologist goes back to his hotel room, finds his ladies gone and what does he do? Look for them? No. Call the cops? Of course not, the Egyptian government is corrupt. He does the only logical thing any person could do in this dire situation. Have sex with the maid cleaning his room.

The movie then cuts to a completely pointless scene where the minister goes to a harem and makes love to two women as 15 women watch and enjoy themselves.

The female archeologist and goddess of pleasure then devise a wily plan to prostitute themselves to a male guard in a jail to get out. They escape and then there are one or two sex scenes that really don’t make sense in terms of plot and the movie cuts out–leaving open infinite possibilities for Pyramid Part II and Pyramid Part III.

Maybe it’s unfair to judge the plot of a porno movie according to regular movie standards (i.e. coherence, intrigue, point). But even the sex scenes in this movie are just as schizophrenic as the plot. Most sex scenes in this children and hours of unbuttoning. These books are more concerned with how things are done than whether the base action happens. I wonder at times, with these contrasting views on