Dear Kevin,

Thanks for having us to lunch. There is certainly more variety these days than we had. Dad tried his new CDs, and he is really happy with them. He used one of them for exercise this morning. He reports he got an excellent workout with it. You did not seem your usual happy self Saturday. Are your courses not enjoyable this semester? I expect they require a lot of work. Or are you still pining away about Anna? Dad thought it might be the lack of air conditioning–at least, that is what would bother him the most. Well, I hope you still like it there (although Dad hopes maybe you don’t). Study hard.

Love,

Mom

Dear Mom,

You don’t have to thank me for lunch, considering you were the one(through the meal plan) who paid for it anyway. Tell Dad I’m glad he likes the CDs, even though I’m not too partial to the music he chose to put on them. And as for my happiness... I’m still very happy here, and I actually enjoy my classes quite a bit. As for Anna, it takes a while to get over things like that, but I’m doing okay for the most part. My problem on Saturday was probably residual O-chem test issues. We only got the test back the day before, and the main thing I missed points for was stupid mistakes. In fact, what kept me from getting an "A" on the test was my answering of the questions that had to do with assigning formal charge and drawing lewis structures, which you probably recall as fairly basic and simple tasks. I made a couple stupid mistakes, and it got me to thinking about them when you asked. I have another chance this Friday, so maybe my mood will improve after I ace the upcoming test.

Love,

Kevin

Kevin:

I’m surprised you would comment on the music I listen to, considering the aural tripe I’ve heard blasting out of your room on many occasions. Compared to that, ABBA and Meatloaf sound like the breath of the gods.

Thank you for the CD mixes, as your mother reported, I’ve been listening to them while I do my "penance". I’ve been thinking that when we go to Spain next spring, I’ll have one of those Spanish penitents’ outfits made for me to wear on my way up to the exercise room. I might have to lie about what I want it for; some people (such as your holy roller ex-girlfriend) might not approve. Speaking of her, I can’t believe you’re still hung up on that girl. I told you that you should stay clear of the religious ones; they either turn out crazy or want to marry you. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out which is worse.

My only consolation was that she seemed pious enough to be the "wait until marriage" type because the last thing we need is any little Kevins running around. One is bad enough.

I’m glad to hear you were just having a bad week instead of terminal depression, but I must remind you that if you’re going to transfer, you’d better get on it soon. If you call up Princeton and explain to them how foolish you were to turn them down last year, they might deign to consider your transfer application. I’d feel much better about this millstone around my neck if it were bringing me some prestige. Even your friend Sean’s mother has more bragging rights than we do, and he’s at Swarthmore. Don’t fuck up this semester. Grades are the money of the academic world.

Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am not a millstone.

–Kevin