A sharp crack sounds out in the cozy game room of the Smith Campus Center. Spheres scatter across green velvet and are still. A thumb smeared with blue chalk measures out the angle of the opening shot. Another game of pool, another chance for the collegian to bend mind and body towards the attainment of eternal glory. Or, for the majority of Pomona folks, another chance to push around the balls and not really know how to play. One of the greatest things about pool is that you don’t have to play well to enjoy the game. In a group of roughly equal ineptitude, the game still comes through. If you are one however, who is tired of being treated with scorn and pity by pool-snob friends, here is a chance to turn the tables. For the benefit of the clueless, the following is a brief introduction to the game, including a few tips on how to improve your play.

The origins of pool, or billiards, are shrouded in mystery. The Encyclopedia Britannica has to say on billiards that, "Nothing is really known about the invention of billiards," and that "It may be inferred that it developed from a variety of games in which propelling a ball was a main feature." It may be inferred from this brilliant history that the people who write for the Encyclopedia Britannica are idiots. Pool may well be as old as civilization itself. One of the most convincing arguments for this theory is the fact that monkeys in their natural habitat have never been seen to play billiards of any kind, whereas monkeys in captivity take readily to the game once they stop defecating on the table.

The first landmark in pool history was the publication in 1674 of the first rule book for billiards by Charles Cotton, called "The Compleat Gamester, or, Instructions on how to play at billiards, trucks, bowls, and chess together with all manner of usual and most gentile games either on cards, or dice: to which is added, the arts and mysteries of riding, racing, archery, and cock-fighting." Although the conventions of pool have changed a bit since the freewheeling days of the 17th century, this timeless masterpiece established early the Sacred Rules of Pool.

The rules, being three in number, the number being three, are as follows:

Rule the First: If you smoke and let the ashes of your Pipe fall on the Table, whereby often times the Cloth is burned, it is a foul. No ashing on the table.

Rule the Second: Do not when you meet with a better Gamester than your- self condemn the Table and do not swear as one did playing at Nine-Pins, ‘L.N. hath put false pins upon me.’ Scholars have determined that "L.N." in Cotton’s times was roughly identical in meaning to "that cheating ho" in modern parlance.

Rule the Third: All controversies are to be decided by the Standers by, upon asking judgement. The U.S. Billiards Congress of America and the Billiards and Snooker Control Council, in Great Britain, keep elaborate standards of rules and regulations for tournament play among professional billiardsmen and women. But who gives a damn what they say. House rules are the rules, at least among friends.

Once you’ve studied the Three Sacred Rules of Pool and committed them to memory, you’re ready to move on to the basics. First, you need to know the lingo. That stick, the one you hit the balls with, is called a "pool cue," or cue for short. Use the pointy end to hit the balls. The white ball is the "cue ball." You hit the other balls with that. The sides of the table are called "rails," or "cushions." The holes on the sides of the tables are called "pockets." A shot that ricochets off the rail into a pocket is called a "bank shot." When you hit a ball so that it doesn’t go in the direction your cue is pointing, that is a "cut shot." (More on that later) When you hit the cue ball into another ball, which in turn hits a third ball into a pocket, that is a "combination shot." There is a plastic or wooden triangle called the "rack" which is used to place the balls tightly together at one end of the table before a game. When you hit the ball slightly off its center, you cause it to spin as it moves across the table. (More on that later) This spin is called "side" by the English or "English" by Americans. Many people also just call it "spin." Spin can be left, right, or backwards. Learning how to control spin is key to making the cue ball travel to the desired place after you hit the other ball, such as a place not in the pocket. Putting the cue ball in a pocket is a "scratch." A scratch is a fault, which gives the ball to the other player to put wherever he or she wishes. Depending on house rules for the game that you’re playing, a scratch results either in the cue ball being placed on the table wherever desired by the other player or "in the kitchen." The kitchen is the space between the end of the table from which you break and an invisible line drawn between the second set of dots from that side. The cue ball must be shot out of the kitchen before hitting any other balls. The "break" is the opening shot which scatters the balls around the table

That leads us to the three most common variants of pool. Eight-Ball, invented in 1900, is the variant of pool that most people are familiar with. Each side tries to sink either all of the solid balls, numbered 1-7, or all of the striped balls, numbered 9-15 in the pockets, followed by the 8 ball. Shots that are not obvious (cut and combination shots) should technically be called in advance, although many people allow "slops" (really awesome shots that happen by accident) to count in informal games. Although there is a precise place for every ball in the rack when racking for eight-ball, most people just put the first ball in the corner pointing towards the breaker (the "foot spot"), a stripe in one corner, a solid in the other, the eight ball in the middle, and pile the rest of the balls in. This game is designed for two people but can easily be played by two teams of players who alternate taking shots.

In 1920, in the face of violent reaction against 20 years of eight ball supremacy, Nine-Ball was invented. If Eight-Ball is the "pool of the people," Nine-Ball is surely the game of the billiards elite. A more advanced game, Nine-Ball requires a high level of accuracy and patience. Only the first nine balls are used and are racked in order from the first at the foot spot to the nine in back, in a diamond shape. Each of two players or teams must take turns trying to sink the balls in order from 1 to 9. Only the lowest numbered ball left on the table can legitimately be hit. Hitting any other ball counts as a scratch, and the opposing team is allowed to place the cue ball anywhere on the table. Nine-Ball is best suited for more experienced players who can make the cut and combination shots often necessary to sink the balls in order.

The third major variant, Cutthroat, deserves mention mainly because it is designed for three players. If you can play Cutthroat, you can at least make a token gesture towards including that friend of yours who somehow managed to tag along on your hot date. Then you can beat his pants off using the tips below and impress your significant other at the expense of his dignity. Cutthroat uses 15 balls and racks up like Eight-Ball. As the first two players ink their first ball, however, they choose a range of balls, 1-5, 6-10, or 11-15 to defend. Unlike in Eight or Nine-ball, in cutthroat you attempt to keep a set of balls out of the pockets, while busily trying to sink both of your friends’ balls first. Trying to "help" one of the other two players by ganging up on the third is against the American way and generally out of line. As in Highlander, the television and motion picture phenomenon that astounded the free world, there can only be one.

Finally, a few words of wisdom as you embark on the odyssey of spiritual enlightenment that is the life of the billiards player. Hold the cue properly. Rest the thin end on the space connecting your thumb to your non-dominant hand. Hold the butt end of the cue in your dominant hand, mainly with your middle and ring fingers. The goal in handling the cue is to keep it from wobbling when you hit the cue ball, so try to push it out straightly, smoothly, and parallel to the table. Unless you are trying to jump the cue ball (not a technique recommended for beginners) you pretty much want to hit it in the center. Hitting the cue ball slightly to the left of center will cause a clockwise spin or "left English". Hitting the cue ball slightly to the right of center will cause a counter-clockwise spin, or right English. Hitting the cue ball slightly below center will cause a backspin. Backspin is never referred to as "bottom English", possibly because the mental images brought to mind are too horrifying to contemplate. Cutting can be explained with one rule of thumb. The numbered ball will essentially go in whatever direction is pointed to by an imaginary line drawn between its center and the center of the cue ball at the time of impact. That’s basically it, although it takes a long time to get a feel for this on the table. Play around with these tips in your next game of pool, and you may notice a remarkable improvement in your play. Most importantly, remember the wisdom of the legendary billiardsman Charles Cotton, "There is no better way than practice to make you perfect therein."