President George W. Bush called upon past favors to convince his younger brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, to pardon former Yankee, Giant, Dodger, and Met slugger Darryl Strawberry yesterday. Now Bush has only to convince Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig to rescind Strawberry’s yearlong ban before he can hit for the Texas Rangers. It is unclear how effectively Strawberry will be after his extended absence and continued problems with cocaine, but Bush will not let a potential power hitter escape Texas’s grasp again.

"The biggest mistake I ever made was trading Sammy Sosa," said George W. Bush, repeating a quote that he gave during last year’s Presidential campaign. "Strawberry may no longer be a player of Sosa’s caliber, but he can still hit for power and draw a walk when need be. He might be 39 years old, but you have to remember that he did not play in a lot of those years because of substance abuse bans." Jeb Bush added, "And my brother knows from personal experience that cocaine does limited damage to the body." Then George W. Bush glared at Jeb Bush and Jeb said, "I mean, my brother studied the affects of cocaine while he was a college and that’s why he knows about them."

When asked about the moral ramifications of pardoning Strawberry after his cocaine use while thousands of other cocaine users remain in jail, Bush responded, "Why Darryl could hit a baseball farther when he is high than those junkies could hit clean as a whistle. Why would I want any of them to play for my beloved Rangers?"

The next question that Bush fielded was whether he expected Strawberry to remain clean while playing for Texas. Bush replied, "Of course, I am a reformer with results. Darryl will be reformed."

Bush was still concerned that strawberry might not be able to play this season. "Bud still holds the cards in Milwaukee," said Bush. "I might be the ‘leader of the free world,’ but he is the Commissioner of Major League Baseball. I’ll just have to hope that he gives Darryl a pardon also."

Selig could not be reached for comment, but released a statement through the Major League Baseball office. "As long as Darryl Strawberry does not attempt to enter the Hall of Fame, the commissioner’s office will consider reducing his suspension. We will not consider reducing Pete Rose’s lifetime ban from baseball. Please do not ask again."

Once on the Rangers it is unclear how effective Strawberry will be. The Rangers already have the American League’s best offensive and Strawberry is 39 years old. Bush was asked, "How he expected Strawberry to do at 39?" Apparently Bush misunderstood the question because he became defensive and shouted, "You can still have youthful indiscretions at 39 or 40! He is still growing up just like I was at his age."

A stunned field of reporters greeted this statement with silence before hastily scribbling in notebooks, checking tape recorders, and placing calls to editors for front page leads.

At the time of his pardon Strawberry was facing charges of violating his probation for escaping from house arrest at St. Joseph’s Hospital. Strawberry has been there since testing positive for cocaine on January 19, 2000. Soon afterwards Strawberry received a one-year suspension from baseball. It was his third cocaine suspension in five years.

According to Bush, Strawberry still deserves a second chance. "The Lord says to forgive seven times 70 times. Darryl has only been forgiven seven or eight times. He has plenty more to go," explained W. Bush. "How could I not forgive him? I am a compassionate conservative."