This week, TSL sat down with Keck Graduate Institue President Henry Riggs for an informal chat about life, love, and biological technology at the Claremont Colleges.

TSL: President Riggs, how do you respond to the widespread controversy that KGI, the newest Claremont college, has generated among the students and faculty here?

In an interview with columnist Richard W. Caperton, he declared, "It’s not that the Senate is doing nothing, it’s just that I don’t like them."

"While some Senators are okay (i.e. Grayson Schaffer), in general, the Senate is made of bad people who do not represent my opinions," said Caperton. "Not only do I hate KGI, but I also hate most of the Senators, on a personal level. They are dislikable."

As a newcomer to the Claremont Colleges, I first thought it was business as usual. You know, the old boy network of interlocking board memberships; the taint of commerce wafting through the halls of academe; the students intuitively opposed. I mean, you are all intuitively opposed, but you just don’t get it, do you? I am here to tell you how you might legitimately oppose KGI, stupid tree-hugging hippies.

Zurich, 1903, an intimate courtyard: The protagonists have assembled, largely by chance, for a chance meeting between minds, minds that would never have come together had they not been blown into close proximity by the mischevious winds of Fate, mischevious winds that blew, all too mischeviously, in such a manner, that a collection of minds that normally would never have come anywhere near each other, were, in this instance, strangely, against the dictates of reason, brought together in a meeting, a cataclysmic meeting, a meeting of minds!!!:

Top Ten Activist Pick Up Lines

10) Tomorrow night, you chain me up.

9) Sustainability Rocks!!!

8) I just scored some really good bud.

7) Is that patchouli #5 you’re wearing?

6) Hey, I don’t have a cause either.

5) March here often?

4) Is that 700 pounds of concrete and rebar in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

3) You can wear my Che Guevara shirt in the morning.

2) Wait, what does BFS stand for?

1) So, when does your trust fund pay off?

Top Eight CMC Pick Up LInes

8) Psst, you passed out yet?

7) Hey are you on the pill?

6) Want to watch the playoff game with me at BlackAngus, your treat?

5) I’m a compassionate conservative.

4) I’m an athlete with precise control of my body. I’ll pull out.

3) Has the wooziness, I mean, alcohol kicked in?

2) Are you going to finish that?

1) What’s your name baby? What? Fuck off? Are you Russian?