"The paramount obligation of a college is to develop in its students the ability to think clearly and independently, and the ability to live confidently, courageously and hopefully." –Ellen Browning Scripps, from the Mission Statement for Scripps College

As a newcomer to the Claremont Colleges, I first thought it was business as usual. You know, the old boy network of interlocking board memberships; the taint of commerce wafting through the halls of academe; the students intuitively opposed. I mean, you are all intuitively opposed, but you just don’t get it, do you? I am here to tell you how you might legitimately oppose KGI, stupid tree-hugging hippies. I went to school in the 1980’s. Fuck hippies. Blah, blah blah. I am so smart. I am the Johnson Visiting Assistant Professor of Politics, so you must correct my mistake, jejune student newspaper. This has left me extremely upset! Did I mention I read several of Marx’s works in graduate school. GRADUATE SCHOOOOOL! I am so smart.

The process by which my words flow forth from my overbrimming mind is metaphorically comparable to some sort of peristalsis. Peri-fucking-stalsis. Yes, yes,. Metaphorically of course. But seriously, if we’re going to discourse on the subject of shit, then its TSL that we should be talking about. HOOOEEEEE! I’m talking premium poop, excellent excrement, fecund feces, terrific turds, stultifying stool… I mean, that’s some stinky ass shit!. Those kids suck! And their personal hygene leaves a lot to be desired!

The last week has shown me that the real trustees of Ellen Browning Scripps’ vision are not the financial honchos on the CUC Board, but the students being punished for displaying exactly the qualities Scripps wanted to cultivate, "the ability to think clearly and independently, and the ability to live confidently, courageously and hopefully." They just need me to show them how. Hoooaaah!

If you are interested, come by my office and I will give you a list of books that I have read in GRADUATE SCHOOL. I will quote them in lectures that you attend are interested in, and I am not interested in, but I am interested in quoting books that I have read in GRADUATE SCHOOL during lectures that are not related to post-Marxism or Neo-Capitalism except that are lectures, and I am there, and I have read books, and I went to GRADUATE SCHOOL, and I am concerned in issues, and books, and school, and Marx, and issues, and and.