Whoa.

Wednesday, April 12, 2001 12:01 am

Dusty Baker’s . . . room exploded.

How Much for a Gerbil?

Friday, April 13, 2001 1:27 am

A student walks into a bar. It hurt. The next student ducked.

But I’m Hot!!

Saturday, April 14, 2001 12:45 am

Grayson Schaffer called in an urgent report: "I may get some [from a woman my age]!", he enthused. Security laughed and suggested he would not.

I’m Not Sixteen!

Saturday, April 14, 2001 1:37 am

Hillary Ross called to announce her date with Grayson Schaffer. Security informed that he had already contacted them.

She’s Not Sixteen!

Saturday, April 14, 2001 3:04 am

Schaffer called again. No, said Security.

BASEballs, You goof!

Saturday, April 14, 2001 3:11 pm

The baseball team called. They wanted their balls back.

Yo, This Totally Could Have Happened.

Saturday, April 14, 2001 4:20 pm

A student reported "uncomfortable stares" from a "Philosophy" major. "All the time, even in somebody’s class and even in some city," she said.

POT????

Monday, April 16, 2001 4:20

A student called to ask if it was 4/20 yet. Officer responded, yes, but not really.