In celebration of the successful coup d’etat election of fellow Texan and Republican George Bush to the presidency, Dean Matt Taylor has officially announced 2001 as the "Year of Me".

This "Year of Me" has been long in the making, perhaps back to 2000 when the red Porsche made its first appearance. Taylor, however, explicitly stated that no year of his could be completely possible with a "no-good Democrat in the White House", thus the "Year" is only contemplatable in the now.

The specifics of the "Year of Me" are not fully known, though key specifics have been uncovered. The main one being The Machine.

Caught many a night waxing the beloved "Machine", Taylor often refers to the vehicle as his submarine. When asked to clarify what he meant, this teacher of "U.S. Foreign Relations and the Cold War" replied, "Well, it’s my submarine. Like, my secret weapon, my stealth. I use it to sneak up and fire my torpedoes, if you know what I mean. Yee-ha! Periscope up!"

Other plans for the "Year of Me’ include the addition of racing stripes and the complete elimination of all smog equipment as soon as possible as the Bush administration relaxes environmental controls. "Then the periscope will really be up!"

Professor of Politics and Urban Studies Lorn Foster has officially admitted that he is really no longer teaching in the classroom. Rumors have been flying for years, but suspicions reached a peak these last few weeks as all of his classes listed for the next semester were officially listed as being held on the Claremont Golf Course;

Poli 39. Urban Politics and the Golf Course

Poli 41. City of Quartz, Lawns of Lush Grass

Poli 62. Race, Class, and Power on the Course — The Tiger Woods Phenomenon

In an exclusive interview with the Student Life, the Professor defended himself by stating, "I’m beyond the pack in this field. Who else is conducting as much hands-on research as me into the politics of golf-courses? That’s why I’m tenured."

Pomona’s Director of Foundation and Corporate Relations name is, always has been and will always be Susan Dollar. Dollar! Hehe.

Brian Andrews is, was, and always will be Brian Andrews. At the time of print, it was still unknown if the true consequences of this had dawned on Brian.

Under the decisive leadership and sweeping vision of President Pamela Gann, Claremont McKenna has unveiled its new center on political thought - the Charlton Heston Center for the study of American Democracy and Freedom.

Promoted as a Pre-CMC program and a home for mini-Republicans, the center follows in the footsteps of other prestigious CMC institutions like the Henry Salvatori Center and the Rose Institute. The Charlton Heston Institute will, in the words of President Gann, "advance the truths that those rotten liberals constantly attempt to cloud".

The institute will attempt to "cut to the root of the problem by getting to citizens before those rotten liberals do." Enrolled tykes will enjoy many of the same perks real CMC students enjoy, especially an experience that "educates leaders for business, government and the professions".

In an odd twist, the Institution’s education upon initiation was immediately ranked higher on U.S. News & World Report than that of CMC.

President Gann lambasted "those rotten liberals" in the media.