In the wake of mega-hits Survivor and Temptation Island, CBS has recently signed on three new reality TV shows. The shows are scheduled to air in the upcoming Summer mini-seasons and are expected by network officials to help curtail the CBS’s recent ratings downturn.

The first show, Sex, Sex, Sex will begin filming later this month. Sex, Sex, Sex is, as the title indicates, a show which brings sexual Darwinism to new heights, sometimes quite literally. Taking a little from Survivor, a little Temptation Island and, frankly quite a lot from some other reality TV shows not aired on prime time, Sex, Sex, Sex follows in its predecessors’ footsteps, but goes, according to the show’s producer, former comedian current embarrassment David Spade, "a couple hundred more times around the bases, hehehe , if ya know what I mean. Yoink!" The contestants, who are all single females, will be divided into two teams, Bad Kitty and Brunette Down. The teams will compete with each other over the course of one week in competitions designed to test their sexual prowess. As in Survivor, the winning team each day will get the opportunity to vote off the person on the other team who they find most threatening. On day seven, the teams will conjoin, and then its every woman for herself for the remaining three days. "Its gonna get nast-ay!" said Spade, who says he will make a "significant" appearance on the last three episodes and will hand-deliver the million dollar prize to the winner. AS for its target audience, Spade insisted that Sex, Sex, Sex would be "good fun for the whole family especially the big daddy-o-o-oz like me. Yoink!" Sex, Sex, Sex will begin airing May 1st, 10pm on CBS.

A second show, Underground, which drew contestants primarily from Long Island, NY, will go in to production later next week and begin airing sometime in late May. The network is keeping its lips sealed on this one, noting only that while it is a contest akin in many respects to the WB’s Pop Stars, that Underground was going to put the "real back in reality TV." How? Underground tests contestants’ underground credibility in such competitions as the "SO you like that label eh?", where teams have three to track down and secure an out of print seven inch, and "Spange" a spare changing competition on the streets of San Francisco.

At a press conference last week, the show’s producers declined questions, but instead passed out small handwritten cards to every member of the press. The cards were signed *ug*, presumably an anachronymonious reference to the show’s title, as well as an indicator of their general attitude towards life. The show’s spokesperson stated that "the producers’ silence and the hand made cards are signs of their authenticity, and of their solidarity with both the alienation and the tenderness of the "underground" youth culture. Our show is bringing this into American homes." To conclude the press conference, the producers and their spokeswoman, all gave the finger and slouched out of the room. Underground will begin airing eventually.

And finally, producers are currently developing a college-themed reality TV show, scheduled to film here at our very own Pomona College. Ideas include chaining TSL staffers to Senate budget committee members, in the vein of Chains of love, for four grueling days. Teams will vote off pairs on the opposing team that are cooperating too well. The last remaining pair will duke it out in the final "clout" round. Will Nora Lawrence and Brian Andrews finally have the war they’ve been calling for?

Stay tuned to CBS for further updates.