When I announced that I was quitting school to move to Oklahoma, most people were surprised and puzzled. "Oklahoma?" they would ask. "Is that really a place?" Or: "Isn’t that a movie?" Or: "Isn’t that one of only three states in the nation where cockfighting is still legal?"

Now that I have lost all of the cushions that I was using to build my fort–Mom, my mother, found one of them in the backyard yesterday, and I have no idea how it got there–I have decided to turn my creative gifts to helping people, rather than to losing parts of their furniture.

Between 1972 and 1977, Stevie Wonder released three of the finest pop albums ever recorded: Talking Book, Innervisions, and Songs in the Key of Life, which together were described by rock critic Robert Christgau as "an exalted soul-funk trilogy sufficient to vault the former Steveland Morris from the kingdom of Motown to the seat at the right hand of God." In 1979, however, he released a double album called Journey Through the Secret Life of Plants, and his career pretty much went downhill from there.

When Epi-curiouser woke up this morning, Epi-curiouser thought, "What a great day for a meal." So when it was time for a meal, we decided to go have one. We were listening to the car radio (even Epi-curiouser enjoys be-bop! Craaazy!) when we heard a commercial for Denny’s Restaurant. As a result, we decided to drive the car that we were in to the Denny’s Restaurant on Foothill Boulevard in Upland. It was full of students, so we knew that it was the perfect place for the students at the college of Pomona College to eat at with each other. Epi-curiouser knows a lot about stuuu-dents.

After three weeks of escalating hostilities, my mother has forced a détente. I don’t know if she planned it or what, but her refusal to turn on the air conditioning has effectively short-circuited my foray into Teenage Rebellion, as I no longer have the energy to do anything but stare up at the ceiling, clammy and glassy-eyed like a goddamned beached whale. It is too hot to move, and I cannot reach the remote control, but in the immortal words of Ronnie Van Zandt, "In Birmingham they love the governor, boo, boo, boo." I’ve been hearing that a lot these days, lying here alone on the floor of the living room.

Sushimaru, although a fairly new Japanese restaurant, has become a staple in the Upland area over the last two years. It is located in the small shopping center with LA Fitness and El Pollo Loco, on the corner of Foothill Boulevard. and Campus Avenue. Sushimaru features a large, modern sushi bar as well as tables for dining.

dapting a true story to the screen is always an ambitious endeavor. Truth might be stranger than fiction, but rarely is it as entertaining. Despite the redeeming qualities of Lean on Me, Fire in the Sky, and The Hurricane, non-fiction films invariably lack the creative element for which movie goers fiend. With Blow, all of that might change. When he agreed to direct the screen adaptation of Bruce Porter’s 1993 book, Ted Demme was handed a non-fiction story that had Hollywood written all over it.

Alas, my faithful readers, I am a quitter. As of this week, my column will no longer be solely about music. Mostly this is because I haven’t been listening to or thinking about music for about a month now. While some of you may have argued that I had nothing of interest to say from the start, I am now in agreement with you.

So what does it take for an upstanding-looking, middle-class-looking, white-looking male to get noticed by cops these days? Aren’t authorities learning that we punk kids can be just as much trouble as anyone else?

Especially after all the shootings that have been taking place in suburban neighborhoods where violence is never supposed to happen (I would like to point out that I’m from the Bermuda Triangle of San Diego: the Santee and El Cajon shootings in San Diego border my town in a nice triangle of Rednecksville, Hicksville and Whitetrashville). For all intents and purposes, I could be a fuse waiting to go off.

Last week Joel and I went to see Spy Kids at the mall. I didn’t want to see it, but it was PG. After we got dropped off we decided to play video games instead. They have some really stupid kids there.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

We hate rock ‘n’ roll. Rock ‘n’ roll 2000!