Rain. LA. Rain. LA.

I’m not sure that I understand. Is it just me, or does the close placement of such naturally opposed words as "rain" and "LA" leave you feeling confused and disoriented, like a scared little puppy who has lost its mother ("Yelp. Yelp," you cry desperately, only to be met with a silence more chilling than a Florida frost during orange-picking season)?

After all, wasn’t the promise of perennially dry weather part of the allure of going to school in Southern California in the first place?

Suntans. Babes. Dudes. Long-boards. Voracious minds blistering in the heat.

For those of you who haven’t checked the weather reports recently or, more suspiciously, haven’t stepped outside in the past few days, the news is that although Southern California’s recent rash of cold and wet weather seems to have subsided for now (thankfully), rain will continue to fall on and off upon our Sagehen heads for the rest of the rainy season. Our Sagehen heads!

This means that during the wet spells water will continue to be everywhere, like some bad Kevin Costner flick. (FYI–unlike our hero Kevin, the vast majority of the students of the Claremont Colleges cannot breathe underwater).

Certainly, these unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances beg the question, what does all this water hold in store for students of the Claremont Colleges?

First of all, those of you out there attempting to maintain your year-round tans will probably be forced to turn to synthetic tanning systems, which will most likely make you look like Lawrence Olivier playing Othello. Hey, free country, right?

Second of all, long-boarding, usually thought of as a relatively safe non-motored transportation alternative (like the bicycle), will become very hazardous given the slippery condition of the road surfaces. Specifically, "carving" (whereby a long-boarder cuts back and forth across the asphalt like a hungry snake going in for the kill, or like a slalom skier going for the gold) should be avoided at all costs. Bros, it totally sucks, I know.

Thirdly, bad weather can be very hard on a wide array of hairstyles. I’m sure many of you already know about a certain increased "frizz-factor" associated with damp weather. Because of this "frizz-factor," students who are normally devoid of any funk at all are suddenly rocking Afros that elves could get lost in, and that’s a tragedy. Bruised egos, bruised reputations–it can really get ugly (like your mom dressed in an Elvis costume riding a Kawasaki).

In addition, those with gel- or mousse-dependent hairstyles can fall victim to the rain as well. When "Hey limp-hair, your hair’s limp!" becomes a common put-down on campus, God should get the message to stop "crying," or "whizzing," or whatever it is that He does to make rain happen.

In any case, in order to prevent any major social disaster from occurring, those students whose hairstyles fall under either of the categories I have discussed should take all necessary precautions when styling.

Friends, these are only a small fraction of the dangers and annoyances that come with bad weather. One might say that the examples I’ve given so far are only the tip of the iceberg. And we all know what happened to the Titanic.

Oh, muse of sun and sky, wind and rain!–please send your bad weather fairies far, far away...(message to Luke: don’t buy the red R2 unit, it’s a clunker).

Alright, enough already! I can go on like this no longer. I must come clean.

The fact of the matter is that I love the rain. Nothing makes me happier than lying down in my bed, dry, warm, listening to the pat-patter of raindrops on the windowsill (pat-patter-pat-pat-patat) and drifting lazily off into the abyss of an afternoon nap. So what if I get wet when I go outside? So what if I don’t get the same maneuverability out of my long-board that I enjoy on sunnier days? So what if my "tan" fades away or my gel-dependent hair goes limp under the weight of its own accumulated moisture? These things are mere superficialities, friends. In my opinion, rain is good. Evidence: Noah didn’t complain when God pulled that flood stunt back in the day. Other Evidence: it makes plants grow.