Over Christmas break my friend Bill made a startling discovery: Dr. Seuss’s The Cat in the Hat Comes Back was not, in fact, a metaphor for the Bible. No; in truth, the Bible was a metaphor for The Cat in the Hat Comes Back. If this strikes you as odd, consider this: the "world" plunging into "sin" was intended to symbolize the mess made throughout the house. Notice that only the God-fearing Christians were able to recognize this and could attempt to rectify the matter.

Their lineage (Adam begot Seth begot Enosh begot Luke begot Brian begot Ringo, etc), then, serves as a metaphor for the Cats in the Hats (A begot B begot C etc) who are the only ones able to rid the house of filth.

There are more examples; unfortunately I’m not able to recall any of them due to my state of intoxication at the time Bill was explaining this to me (which may be the reason why it all makes less sense now than it did two months ago).

Actually, this doesn’t really work. The Bible can’t possibly be a metaphor for The Cat in the Hat Comes Back when it’s already a metaphor for "Looney Tunes," but that’s beside the point. Anyway, my point is this: in this day and age it’s easy to take everything at face value, to miss the forest for the trees, to avoid reading between the lines and every other cliché you can shake a stick at. But there’s a whole other world out there, hidden just out of sight.

It’s a strange world full of complicated words like "allegory" and "existential," where black and white are merely shades of gray.

This world is rich in buried treasure, if not in doubloons then in meanings and concepts. It’s not necessarily a better world than this one, just a nice place to hang out from time to time. So I’ve taken the longest possible explanation to encourage you, Average College Student, to take a little bit of time here and there and, like my friend Bill, look for underlying values within whatever’s occupying your time, be it a book, painting, CD, wrestling match, anything. It’s actually kinda fun, and, god forbid, you might actually learn something about yourself or the world around you.

Television shows are surprisingly easy. There’s a popular idea that The Smurfs was a television show glorifying Communism. The smurfs have no religion, operate in a closed market and constitute many identical workers led by a bearded smurf dressed in red (Karl Marx). They are constantly threatened by an evil man intent on commodifying them and turning them into gold — Amerika, I mean Gargamel. Gargamel himself represents the bourgeoisie, valuing riches over equality, while his cat Azrael represents the proletariat, constantly doing Gargamel’s bidding with nary a thought to improving his own tortured existence. Never mind that Brainy Smurf has been likened to Leon Trotsky (smart, glasses, exiled from his home) and Hefty Smurf to Stalin. Smurf village is, essentially, a utopian Socialist society. In a similar vein, Thundercats can be construed as a metaphor for the Cold War: two opposing sides skirmish for years with little progress made on either side, and Mumm-Ra is obviously Lenin’s ghost. And finally, Saved by the Bell is obviously an extended metaphor for Kant’s A Critique of Pure Reason, with a little Machiavelli thrown in for good measure.

Don’t agree with me? Form your own opinions. That’s the whole idea, and in a way, that’s the best part — your interpretation is your own, even if, like Bill, your interpretation goes against predetermined conceptions of society. Just get out there and start observing, formulating and interpreting–everybody’s entitled to their own view. Unless you’re a dirty Commie, in which case Dr. Seuss says there’s no place for you in heaven.