Nobody loves smokers. Last year, the administration ruled to ban smoking in Social Room I beneath Clark V and all other "public" meeting places. It has come to my attention that this semester, this same substance-free crusade is taking its "kiss me, I’m smoke-free" campaign to a whole new level. Apparently, and I have to confess that I don’t know the details of the proposal, as it is a work in progress, the Student Affairs Committee is deliberating on whether or not to continue to allow smoking in the Smith Campus Center courtyard. Somethin’ stinks in flower-town, baby!

In my seven semesters, smoking locales have definitely been on the decline. Slowly but surely, smokers on campus have been getting the shaft. However, in the case of the social rooms I have learned to understand. There were complaints that the smoke was filtering through the vents into students’ dorm rooms.

Although I fondly remember the red-cups as "private space" days when we were allowed to smoke in all social rooms, I was willing to concede on this issue. I could still go outside with my addicted cohorts and smoke a butt with little disturbance to my routine.

I’ve gotten accustomed to this, but now I hear that they are trying to take the outside away from us, too, and as far as I’m concerned we have already made enough concessions. What is the rationale behind this change? Is it out of respect for students’ precious pink lungs, or is it an image thing? What would provoke them to ban smoking outside? Perhaps it is our next step towards substance-freedom.

If students are complaining, this is certainly news to me. I have smoked countless cigarettes in the Campus Center courtyard and I haven’t once been confronted. Certainly if my dirty smoke were bothering one of my peers, she would be capable of expressing her convictions and simply request that I move. I mean, after all, we only attract and admit "leaders" to this fine institution, right?

Smokers needn’t be demonized. We don’t spitefully puff away to aggravate those who are bothered or allergic (but really, how many people are really allergic to cigarette smoke?). The administration seems to be forgetting that smoking is cool. What do non-smokers do when they wait for their friends? I have five words for you. Ab so lute ly Nuthin’.

The administration also overlooked the fact that nicotine improves your memory, which could clearly have an impact on one’s academic prowess. Why not look at all the facts before jumping to any rash decisions?

As cool as I know I look when I smoke, I do comply when others protest the second-hand smoke that results from my habit. This rule is offensive and belittling to all of us. The proactive "leaders" who have matriculated here surely wouldn’t be so passive aggressive as to lodge complaints with the administration before asking me, their friend and classmate, directly. And, us smokers are mature enough to honor reasonable and polite requests.

Regardless, if the proposed new rule is passed, I wonder how they plan to enforce it. The most ignorant suggestion proposed j-boarding all transgressors.

That has to be the most ridiculous suggestion I have ever heard. Are we going to start j-boarding assholes, too? Because I can’t stand having them in my presence.

Seriously though, what is the alternative to such punishment? Are we to have a Campus Safety officer stake out the courtyard at all times? Come on, who are we kidding? Why don’t those bothered just move five feet away and leave us to our business, or when necessary, nicely ask us to shift aside a few feet?

I, myself, will continue to smoke in the Smith Campus Center courtyard. In fact, I would like to make a call out to all of you puffers (and even those of you who empathize with our plight) to speak out. If and when this rule goes into effect, I would like to propose a Great American Smoke-in. We shall act like the hoodrats we are suspected to be in response to such an unreasonable and misguided rule. We shall all get together in the courtyard and smoke for our rights and for our dignity. I think it could really help our image.