The contest began innocently enough on Monday night at 9 p.m. Five guys and one girl were brought together at Rains Center united only by one thing: their willingness to compete in the annual Pomona College ACUI Table Tennis Qualifying Tournament. The winner would walk out of that gym in full possession of the undisputed Pomona Ping-Pong crown as well as with a chance to compete in the ACUI Regional Championship in San Diego, to be held at a later date.

"We do this to encourage people to use the game room equipment competitively," explained tourney co-coordinator Sarah Jackel ’01. Jackel went on to explain that the table tennis equipment is readily available for anyone with a valid Pomona College ID at the Coop Store, during regular Coop Store hours. There is a table in the 2nd floor of the Smith Campus Center. Anyone has the option to use it at any time. "It’s really about options," commented the other co-coordinator Kalley Fetcher ’00.

In addition to fulfilling its main goal of selecting a Pomona representative to compete in San "Motherfuckin’" Diego, the tournament was organized as a publicity stunt to showcase the more exciting free things the Coop Store has to offer students. "It’s the students that count," said Jackel and Fetcher simultaneously, thereby producing an eerie effect that this reporter could not quite put his finger on by press time.

Other free things the Coop Store has to offer include, pool cue borrowing privileges, The Source magazine, and ambiance.

Cory Forsyth ’03, one of the competitors, found out about the tournament through the ever-reliable "all students" listserv and decided to give it a go. He gained valuable experience by taking the Table Tennis PE class this semester, in accordance with the physical education component of the college’s graduation requirements. "Oh, it’s [a] great [class]," said Forsyth. "At first, I was a little worried that it would be too much of a beginning course." Not so. The PE cume is, in actuality, a "fast and furious cagematch of raw table tennis nitty-gritty, and is neither for the faint of heart nor for women, boo yah!" according to a student currently enrolled who asked not be identified.

The level of competition at this tournament is amazing," said Forsyth. Forsyth gave it his all, but eventually lost to Dan Cole ’00. If the muffled commentary of the awe-struck spectator’s gallery was any indication, Cole was the odds-on favorite to win the tournament. "I think he’s the State champion of Kentucky, or something. Maybe Canada. They both start with the same letter," said Jackel. Cole later confirmed that he was indeed at one point the ACUI Kentucky Table Tennis Champion. When notified that he had lost to the Kentucky champion, Forsyth commented that he was "pleasantly surprised." There was then a brief awkward silence between Forsyth and this reporter. "I’m just going to watch [the annual Pomona College ACUI Table Tennis Qualifying Tournament] for awhile now," said Forsyth, swiveling around in his chair.

Tamara Chellam ’00 had the honor of being the only female competing in the tournament. Chellam said that while she was disappointed that she was the only female present, the distinction carried with it several unique advantages. "I obviously intimidate the men here," Chellam said. Chellam won her first match 2-0 in standard ACUI best of three format, thus advancing to the quarterfinals round. She triumphed over her opponent 21-19 and 27-25, who asked not to be identified.

According to the rules of table tennis, all games are played to 21, but the victor must win by at least two points. This explains the second score of 27-25. Points are accumulated when an opponent fails to return a hit properly. Players alternate service every five volleys. A variation of these rules formed the basis for the hit 70s breakthrough Atari game Pong! The exclamation point in the preceding sentence was a part of the name of the hit 70s breakthrough Atari game and did not mean to imply excitement on the part of The Student Life whatsoever!

Chellam went on to lose her next match 0-2 to an unidentified opponent. The scores were 13-21 and 14-21, respectively, although Chellam "could swear" that she scored 14 points in the first game as well. However, the match was much closer than the score might suggest. "I actually gave him a run for his money," Chellam said. Her strategy? "Guys like to show off. Fifty percent of their hits miss the table. They also jump when they serve. I just wait for them to mess up and rack up the points." At this point, Clayton Peirce ’00, a past ACUI Pomona College Table Tennis Champion, made what can only be described as a loud thudding noise as he tumbled manfully to the ground in a valiant but unsuccessful attempt to return service in his match. "It’s all in the head. You gotta get in the head," commented Peirce as he lept back to his feet. This was the fourth time Clayton had fallen in such a manner. "He has an Asian fetish, you know," whispered Jackel.

However, that evening Asia belonged to Nick Bartlett ’00. Also a former ACUI Pomona College Table Tennis Champion, Bartlett is currently applying for a fellowship that would allow him to study Ping-Pong in the People’s Republic of China. "I’m going to research how the Chinese government indoctrinates its athletes," said Bartlett.

This year’s tournament was the first co-ed Pong tournament the college has ever held. Due to differing levels of competition and the obvious dangers inherent in allowing males and females to compete together in a state of exercise-induced arousal, the college had maintained its long-standing tradition of "separate, but equal" table tennis competitions. This all changed suddenly thanks to the combination of several vocal feminist pioneers on campus, a nearly half-century old landmark Supreme Court ruling, and the repeated lack of female competitors. "I could beat any girl on this campus," said Chellam. "They know it."

While recent competitions have been marred by drug scandal, this year’s event appeared to proceed without incident. "We’ve cleaned up our act," said Jackel. I think we’ve all cleaned up our act, Jackel.