I’m going to come right out and say it. I was abroad last semester. I know that most of you probably don’t want to hear anything of the sort, and that just the word abroad sends you cowering into the corner. I know that you’ve most likely been bombarded with tales of revelry in foreign lands for a couple of weeks now, and fear that I’m going to lavish some newly discovered ‘enlightenment’ upon you.

Well, you’re kind of right. But what I’ve discovered isn’t really a product of being in another country at all. Actually, the reason I bring it up is kind of incidental. See, while I was abroad, the only contact I had with Pomona was reading The Student Life. Now, some of you may think that I’m a ‘loser’ or a ‘lame-ass’ for bothering to keep tabs on what was happening here at all, but I’m not one to forget where I’ve come from. Mama didn’t raise me to be an unfeeling lump of clay. I care about my fellow students and the institution that we compose.

One of the things I noticed while reading TSL was that there seemed to be a fair amount of discontent with the city of Claremont on the part of the students here. Now, as I’ve said, I really had no contact with the school, I’m just going on what I’ve read, but that’s how it seemed to me. I think that, at one point, secession from Claremont was even suggested.

While this suggestion wasn’t the biggest surprise in the world, I do believe it was a bit misguided. A nice effort as far as motivation goes, but it seems to me that the idea contains one fatal flaw. That blemish mars the faces of just about all the students here at Pomona. Basically, we’re all trying really hard to be somebody. And I think it’s about time to give it a rest.

Everywhere I look on campus, I see people trying to exert their individuality. Indie kids, jocks, nerds, piercing junkies, budding entrepreneurs, tortured artists; we’ve got them all. Pomona is a veritable breakfast club of people searching for that one special place that they belong. Well, I’ve got news for each and every one of you. You’re not going to find it, especially if you keep looking all by yourself.

So here’s my suggestion: Give it up. It’s time that we stop trying to find ourselves and start embracing the beautiful world of popular culture. There’s no chance to succeed or find happiness if you spend all your time running away from what the rest of the world likes. The way to go is to give up all rebellious, egotistical notions of individuality based on self-discovery. The sooner we all realize that there’s nothing particularly special about any of us, the better off we’ll all be.

I know that some people will argue that there’s no possible way to find happiness by conforming to someone else’s ideas of what’s good, but that’s just silly. To all of you who believe that it goes against human nature to blindly follow conventions, to everyone that thinks that mass media are only an outlet of corruption that cannot possibly lead to anything but disillusionment, I offer three letters: m, t, and v.

Turn on Music Television sometime. It’s really a wondrous invention. With the exception of a few annoyingly earnest ‘message’ bands or heartbroken balladeers, it’s one of the most consistently cheery, colorful, happy experiences you can hope to enjoy. Plus, it proves my point nicely. Take Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys, two of MTV’s institutions over the past year. Not only do they sing ridiculously catchy pop songs about love, honor, and fidelity (what’s that spell? Happiness?), but their videos are full of beautiful, smiling people. No one ever has any pimples or existential angst, and they’re all impeccably groomed. Plus, more teenage girls love them than you.

I know what you’re thinking. You believe that this world isn’t real, that no one lives a life that perfect, that someone must have placed these people in a pre-fabricated world that exists only on your television set. But that’s because you’re a cynical college student that would never bother to give Britney and her brethren a chance. So much about Pomona invites warmth: the beautiful southern California atmosphere, the proximity to Los Angeles with its multitude of gracious, loving residents, and the neatly trimmed and always green lawns. Yet many people here walk around immersed in their despair, mourning the loss of freedom or justice or something else equally vague and insubstantial.

The preposterous thing about all this is that the true path to fulfillment has been so close all along. It’s a road that leads to a world that is free from the agony of college-aged ambivalence; a truer, simpler world. Imagine a place with no subtext, a place where you never have to wonder about anyone’s motivations and a place where truth is found encased in three-minute pop gems on the radio or buried deep within the sale racks at the Gap.

In this world there would be no need to secede from the city of Claremont. As an army of pop-culture magnets, we would be an unstoppable force that would rule the city and make it our own.

This paradise that I’ve described may sound distant and unreachable, but all you need to do to find this wonderland is to give up on that last lingering hope of forging your own identity.

Chances are you were on the wrong track anyway. Forget the notion that what you think or the choices you make define who you are and just follow the road of trends that is laid out before you. Stop pretending that you don’t like the music that they play on the radio.

Join in on that last chorus of "I Want it That Way" and let yourself forget that the lyrics you’re singing don’t make any sense. That’s not the point. Content is a secondary concern. We need to think bigger. Fellow students: it is time to sell out.